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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has always been the comfort zone for daily publications, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and key events, notably connected to soccer. Readers were entertained to discover that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|